Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions

Q: Did you catch that fish?
A: No, I talked him into giving himself up.
A: No, I was sitting here minding my own business when the crazy thing jumped into my pail.
A: No, it’s a plastic model to get people like you to start fascinating conversations.
Q: (from a woman just pulled over by a police officer) Did I do something wrong, officer?
A: No, today we’re giving tickets out for doing things right.
A: No, I just got tired of lugging around these heavy summonses so I decided to give some of them away.
A: No, I’m giving a ticket to this crazy street because it’s going the wrong way.
Q: (from a waiter, to a husband and wife) Table for how many?
A: A hundred and twelve — we like to change seats every few minutes.
A: One — my wife will sit on my shoulders.
A: I don’t know — I can’t count that high, either.

Q: (From lady to fellow bus-rider) Isn’t my baby beautiful?
A: That’s a baby?
A: Yes, in a Jabba-The-Hutt sort of way.
A: Yes, but not nearly as beautiful as this spit up on my coat.
-from Craig Cash
Q: Were you sitting there?
A: No, my imaginary friend, (insert name), is sitting there.
A: No, I was sitting there.
A: Yes… and there… and there… and there!
-from S. Khal
Q: You’re not going to wear THAT are you?
A: Actually, i was planning on going out naked.
A: Only if you don’t like it.
-from William Sam
Q: (from store clerk to man) Is this dress a gift?
A: No, i’m planning on wearing it on my date tonight.
A: No, i’m starting a new fashion craze for men.
-from William Sam
Q: Is that yours???
A: No, I stole it.
A: Actually I took it out of your wallet.
A: No, I just like showing of my friend’s things.
-from Douglas E. Long, Jr.
Q: Do you like the lunch you packed today?
A: No, I just put it in there for show.
A: Not at all, I just pack it, then throw it away and go hungry.
-from Khartman
Q: So you haven’t caught any fish yet huh?
A: Sure, I’ve caught millions, they’re just in the water playing tag!
A: What are talking about? I’m teaching my worm how to swim!
-from Joe McLean
Q: Is it raining outside?
A: Does it ever rain inside?
-from Nilanjan Ganguly
Q: (Person watching a trick) Am I supposed to pick a card?
A: No, you’re supposed to pick your nose.
A: No, you’re supposed to take all of them.
-from Sebastian Zagorski
Q: (Student to teacher) Can I go to the bathroom?
A: I don’t know. Can you?
A: Are you wearing a diaper?
-from Sebastian Zagorski
Q: Why can’t you be like your brother?!
A: Just lucky I guess.
A: Because I’m not really into geekiness.
-from Allen Hord
Q: If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?!
A: Sure, maybe I’d land on a fat kid!
A: I don’t know, would it mess up my hair?
A: Can’t you do that at Disney World?
-from Allen Hord
Q: Did you bring your lunch today?
A: No, I’m going to eat yours!
A: No, I just carry this bag around because it looks cool.
A: No, I’m going to puke up yesterday’s and eat it again!
-from Allen Hord
Q: So how was school today?
A: The police will fill you in.
A: A living [uh, heck] like always.
-from Allen Hord
Q: Excuse me sir, is this the end of the line?
A: No, it’s the front, we’re all standing backward!
-from Allen Hord
Q: Are you gonna eat that?
A: Only if you want it.
A: No, I’m going to have it bronzed and put on my mantle.
-from Allen Hord
Q: May I have this dance?
A: Sure, I don’t want it.
-from Alycia Bencloski
Q: (from doctor to patient) So, how are you today?
A: Great! I just really like your company.
A: Oh, I’m fine. I just needed some tissues.
-from Jessica Bencloski
Q: (from the clerk at the store) Will there be anything else?
A: Why? Wasn’t this enough?
A: Not right now. I plan on coming back and buying the entire store one item at a time.
A: Thanks for reminding me. I’ll be back.
-from D. Brent Walton
Q: Are you going to eat that?
A: No I was trying to see if I could see it getting colder!
A: No I was seeing how long you’d go without saying something about it!
-from Nelson Shields
Q: So, you’re raising a farm?
A: No, I keep the cattle for pets.
-from Trish Furino
Q: Is this your e-mail link?
A: No, it’s your e-mail link. Write yourself a note.
A: No, it’s a request for a U.S. Postal mail carrier to come to your door and pick up your mail.
A: Yes, and please don’t send any.
-from Jim King

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